Today’s entry is the last one in my little green notebook from 1997.  Don’t worry, there will be more to come. 

October 18, 1997

3 John 11

     “Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good.  Anyone who does what is good is from God.  Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.”

     It is time to be radical!  I’ve got to get my act together and move forward – full steam ahead for the Lord Jesus!

     Miley and I are doing great.  We’ve been struggling physically as Satan has attacked us.  No more!  We have talked about marriage, and I would like to do so.  Anyway, that is down the road a while.  Today: Jesus!

October 21, 1997

     Last night Rob and Miley met.  Rob was filled with the Holy Spirit and preached to us.  I want to be looking for the day of the Lord’s coming.

     Wow! It really is difficult to read these things some times.  I often wince.  Just now I’m thinking about the words to an old Caedmon’s Call song:

“I ran across an old box of letters while bagging up some clothes for Goodwill

You know I had to laugh that the same old struggles that plagued me then are plaguing me still.”

Why do those words come to mind?  Maybe because when I read this entry from so long ago, I want my reaction to be, “Cody, what were you thinking?!?!”  But the reality is that when I read it today I know exactly what I was thinking.  I want to pretend that I have matured in significant ways, and, really, I have.  But then again, some things remain.  The charred remains of a younger, dumber Cody still cling to me. 

     Part of it, I think, is wiring.  Not necessarily faulty wiring, just unique wiring.  I tend to be this very emotional, passionate person prone to grand visions, grander Kingdom service, and absolutely magnificent failures.  I’m still that heart-first, brain-last kid from 1997.  It is very much responsible for a great deal of personal heartache and sin.  That thorn.  But, I know with certainty that it has a whole lot to do with how the Lord Jesus uses me in missions.  Leave it in, Lord.

     Even as I say this though I wonder if I’m just trying to make excuses for my shortcomings.  Am I trying to say something positive about my hang-ups so that I can more easily justify holding on to them?  Gosh, I really don’t know.  Maybe I’m making things too complicated and grey.  There is no question that God intends to use our weaknesses in order to manifest His strength (2. Cor. 12:9).  Which brings us to the rest of the song:

“I am thankful that I’m incapable of doing any good on my own.”

Hello everyone!  Today, I came across a really nice debate on the topic of the historicity of Jesus.  Are you an atheist, skeptic, or confused believer?  If so, take a look at this debate in two parts between James White and Dan Barker.  These guys represent two of the leading voices on either side of the debate.  After watching, I'd love to hear your responses in the comment section.

     Sorry for the very long pause in including journal entries here.  We started a Nepali church plant back in the spring and it really started eating up a lot of my time.  Of course, I don’t really mind.  I have fallen in love with my Nepali brothers and sisters, the dal, the bhat, and even (to some extent) the films.  But anyway, now that a new year of school is fully off-the-ground, let me try to get back to these weekly installments. 

October 9, 1997 – 2:24 PM

Rom. 6:19

     “I put this in human terms because you are weak in your natural selves.  Just as you used to offer the parts of your body in slavery to impurity and to ever-increasing wickedness, so now offer them in slavery to righteousness leading to holiness.”

     Miley [the girl I was dating at the time, something of a rebound girlfriend, not her real name] really does love Jesus.  More and more I am convinced that she is consumed by Him.  I want God to be glorified in this relationship.  She says she loves me.  She is a cut above a cut above.  This is so interesting, I need to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus.

     Look, I’ll be honest with you.  When I look back on this entry, I don’t have any idea what I was thinking.  Miley was really not “a cut above a cut above.”  She was a sweet girl who was trying to follow Jesus, but was not very stable in her relationship with either Him or anyone else.  But, crap, there just seems to be this tendency in me – certainly it was the case then – to just see whatever the heck I wanted to see.  I wonder to what extent I do that now.  And I wonder what the solution is.

     (1) Accountability must be a piece of it.  To what extent am I hiding parts of my life away from the scrutiny of another follower of Christ because I know what they would say? (2) Keeping myself under the authority and influence of the Bible must also be a part of it. Am I there?  (3) Staying vitally connected to the teaching ministry and authority of a local church – that’s is also a key. 

     Right now I feel weakest on the first point.  Point 2 is getting stronger and I feel pretty solid on point 3.  How about you?  I would love to get your answers in the comment section.

     While I was away, a question was asked during one of our 1Stone Noonday events.  The question had to do with murder, killing, war, etc.  In essence, it seems that the question had to do with why killing/war seemed to be okay in the Old Testament but bad in the New Testament.  Actually, the question seemed to be asked from the perspective of assuming that killing and war are always fundamentally wrong.  I’m not really sure how the question was answered at the time, but let me reflect on it a bit here.  Enjoy!

     God is consistent when it comes to punishing sin.  He uses various means, but the wages of sin has always been death (Gen. 2:17, Rom. 6:23).  Sometimes those means are what we might consider supernatural as in the case of Sodom and Gomorrah (Gen. 20:23-29), Egypt (Ex. 7-12), or Herod (Acts 12:20-23).  But at many other times, God uses human agents to carry out His punishment of sin.  Examples of this abound in the Bible, including the entire book of Judges, scripture recounting the downfall and exile of the Israelites, and the execution of the two thieves who were crucified on either side of Jesus.  In each of these cases, God used human agents to mete out the punishment that the sins of other humans deserved (Lk. 23:41).  Of course, the ultimate example of this is the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.  In this case, God punished the only truly innocent person for the sin of humanity.  And God used human agents (e.g. Roman soldiers, Jewish leaders, etc.) to carry out that punishment.

     When people object to the conquest of the promised land, they usually do so without seriously reflecting on the entire Biblical narrative.  First, they fail to see that most of the suffering and death recorded in the Bible is against the people of God.  When various enemies attacked and oppressed the twelve tribes during the Judges period, when the Assyrians wiped out the northern kingdom, and when the Babylonians conquered Judea, they did so as agents of God’s wrath (Jer. 25:9).  I’ve never heard a skeptic complain about this fact, but the reality is that God brought about the death of more Israelites than perhaps any other ethnic group in the Old Testament.  Does this make God anti-Semitic?  Of course not.  But it does make clear that God takes sin very seriously and is committed to obliterating it. 

     Thus the conquest of Canaan must be understood as a case of God using the Israelites as his agents to carry out the punishment of the sin of the Canaanite people.  This is exactly what the Scripture teaches.  Note that in the Abrahamic covenant, God promises that Abraham’s descendents will inherit the land of Canaan.  But God also says that they cannot inherit the land right away.  They would have to wait for many years (over 400) for “the iniquity of the Amorites” was not yet “complete” (Gen. 15:16).  That is, God made his chosen people wait hundreds of years (even in great suffering and exploitation) before finally punishing the inhabitants of Canaan (generally referred to as Amorites).  To put it another way, the Canaanites had more than 400 years to repent from the time Abraham was living among them as a witness to the day Joshua led the Israelites across the Jordan river.

     Some people, of course, have a problem with God commanding the Israelites to conquer cities and regions, killing the inhabitants.  But the only real difference between this and the Babylonian conquest of Judea is that the Israelites knew they were God’s instruments of punishment.  And knowing this was simply a product of their covenant relationship with God, the very relationship that the Canaanites had consistently rejected since the days of Abraham.  To be sure, there were some Canaanites who repented of their sin.  These were spared (e.g. Jos. 6:25). 

     Others may object to the fact that children were included among those who were killed during the conquest of Canaan.  But this simply reflects the more collectivist worldview of the Bible versus a more Western, individualistic worldview.  There are cases in the Bible when children were to be punished along with adults if the punishment was against an entire family or society.  This could happen just as easily to the Israelites as to non-Israelites (e.g. Josh. 8:22-26).

     It is important to state outright that these Biblical events should not be seen as a justification for genocide or for “holy war.”  There is no standing command in the Bible that instructs the people of God to wage war against the unfaithful.  The standing commands we have are to love our neighbor and to proclaim the way of salvation to all peoples and nations.  At the same time, Jesus doesn’t represent a philosophical break with the God of the Old Testament.  While it is tempting for us to view Jesus as a ultra-pacifist hippie that wants to “make love, not war,” we must remember that Jesus Christ is the God of the Old Testament.  He specifically said that he came not to bring peace but a sword (Mat. 10:34), he was more commonly mistaken to be a radical revolutionary that would overthrow the Romans than an ascetic hermit that wanted everyone to just get along, and he was not above using violence to get his point across (Jn. 2:15).  Jesus Christ hated sin and came into the world to destroy it.

     Finally, let’s keep in mind that there is a difference between murder and killing.  This is most clearly seen in Genesis 6 when we see that anyone who sheds the blood of another human will have his blood shed by a human.  Surely this doesn’t mean that then the executioner will have to be executed and on and on until the human race is wiped out.  No, in the law of Moses, regulations are established for the punishment of sin which include the death penalty.  Jesus didn’t forbid the death penalty during his earthly ministry, but rather submitted willingly to it.  Moreover, the apostolic witness indicates that governing officials should continue to “bear the sword” as instruments of God’s wrath against sin (Rom. 13:4).

     The truth is, as human beings, we delight in the punishment and eradication of evil.  I just watched the movie Valkyrie last week which is the story of a failed attempt to assassinate Adolph Hitler.  Now, I would venture to say that nearly everyone in that theater was cheering for the people who were trying to assassinate Hitler.  Why? Because we hate evil.  There is something in us (perhaps the image of God) that cries out to God for sin to be eliminated.  We hate injustice, oppression, deceit, greed, abuse, etc.  Even now, if a pedophile or a terrorist is punished, we are glad.  So why do we cringe when God punishes sin in the Bible?  In particular, when God uses the Israelites as his agents to punish the Canaanites, why do we feel upset?  My guess is that we have tended to misunderstand sin.  In particular, our culture has taught us that certain sins such as sexual immorality, murder, and racism are especially heinous while others aren’t particularly bad.  But the first and greatest command is to love God.  So it would follow that the first and greatest sin is to not love God.  Now if that is true, we understand that the person who rejects God, is engaging in sin that is more severe than the Holocaust or 9/11. 

     Well, I’m going to stop now.  Need to move on to other things.  Think this over, I look forward to your feedback.

I’m going to put a couple entries here this week.  The first is short and then it appears that I didn’t journal for several days.  And then, well, that’s where the confession begins.  Enjoy!

September 19, 1997 – 5:02 PM

     Things have changed a lot for this boy in the last few months.  My life is in ruins, but I rejoice because it is in His hands.

September 29, 1997 – 1:08 PM

     Well, I find myself in a rather odd situation.  Yes, another girl.  When you stop laughing, I’ll continue . . . [I should probably allow for a pretty long pause.  You ready? Okay.]

     Much has happened of late that I have not shared with you, but I will focus now on the point of greatest interest (i.e. Miley).  Miley is a young lady in my psych class and we have become good friends.  In fact, we have become rather “involved” physically [That is, we kinda made out . . . can anyone say, rebound?].

      She is a great girl.  She loves Jesus.  She is pretty.  And she has a nice personality.  She has a checkered past [RED FLAG!!!], however, she has put her eyes on Jesus.

     I enjoy being with her.  I love her (romance aside), and I “like” her.  But I keep remembering my friend Rob’s words, “Your wife will be a cut above, a cut above, a cut above.”  Those are high standards.  Should I settle for less?  No! [Rob was a Waffle House regular when I worked there. He was always full of godly advice, including this little nugget]

     Miley (at least for now) is not that.  I don’t think she is consumed by Jesus.  This is difficult.

     But I don’t feel God leading us in the direction we have recently chosen.  Perhaps we need to develop the trust and friendship more.  I want to wait on God’s time.  If she is even close to “a cut above³”, then she’ll be okay with waiting.  Her response will tell me a lot about her.

     Praise the Lord!

      So, how’s it going?  You know, this isn’t easy for me to share.  Let’s do a couple things.  First, let me ask you to imagine a friend of yours coming to you with the above situation.  What would your advice be?  Come on, advise “Young Cody” in the comment section below. 

     Second, let me say this.  It is my opinion that single people settle far too easily in their relationships with the opposite sex.  Rob’s “cut above³” comment stuck with me for a long time.  It was a life shaping challenge to choose better.  A friend was recently talking to me about how he basically expected that his future wife will have been very sexually promiscuous prior to their marriage.  I was blown away and said to him, “Why don’t you just choose better?”  He said, “Well, if I fall in love with her, then that’s it.” I said, “Don’t fall in love with someone like that.”  Please, I beg you, set the bar high and keep it there.  You will not regret it.

     Finally, I want to publically say that I have absolutely no question whatsoever that Rob was right.  My wife, Katherine, is truly “a cut above, a cut above, a cut above.”  Praise God for that!

 More relational stuff, that’s more like it . . .

 September 18, 1997 – 11:31 PM

      I got a raise today.  God blessed me!  I’m now making $6.45/hr.  I called Faith again and left a message on the machine.  No return call.  My temptation is to get mad at her, tell her off, and forget it.  God doesn’t want that though.  He wants me to lay my life down for her, to love her (romance aside).  She’s being a horse’s rear and I don’t like it.  I forgive her.

     I’m looking forward to tomorrow.  More and more I find myself looking forward to every day.  Jesus has drawn me in.  Jake [a friend of mine]  needs to put God first, not his girlfriend.  She is wrecking his life.  What do I know:

 1. Jesus loves me.

2. I am His.

3. He is my all in all, all I need.

4. I love Him so much!

5. I’ve gotta get up really early for school so, good night!

      Just a couple quick thoughts before we move on.  First, I’m appreciating reading back over these and seeing how my turbulent relationship with Faith was occupying less and less of my mental and emotional energy.  I love seeing that it really was my relationship with God that was helping me to heal. 

     Also, I love that “looking forward to tomorrow” attitude.  Where did that come from and how do I get it back?  Let me ask you.  Are you more likely to go to sleep dreading the next day or looking forward to it?  And don’t say that it depends on what’s happening tomorrow.  That’s not helpful to me or anyone else.  I mean if my attitude is completely dependent on circumstances, I’m going to always be up and down.

     I spoke with a friend at COD the other day who always seems to be ultra-concerned about his future.  Every time we talk he seems worried about his future wife, his future career, etc.  I asked him recently, “What about today?”  I remember a line from some poem that I read years ago that said, “Whatever we’re doing right now is important.”  Well, the future is important too, I guess.  But it can’t hold a candle to today.  I mean, you may get hit by a bus next week – you probably won’t, I know, but you might.  And if you did, and all you were living for was something 3-5 years down the road—wow, that would be a waste.  What about seizing the day.  Appreciating it.  Making today eternally significant.  You can do that, you know.  But, you’ll probably have to become less self-absorbed.  Here are some thoughts from the Bible:

 “So teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”  (Ps. 90:12)

“Come now, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit’—yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring.  What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes.  Instead you ought to say, ‘If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.’ As it is, you boast in your arrogance.  All such boasting is evil.  So whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin.”  (James 4:13-17)

Lastly, I’ll just mention that occasionally in my journal I would just make a list of “things I knew.”  That really helped me to sort through the foundational things and the flimsy things.  I recommend it.

     Anyway, that’s all for now.  Lord willing, we’ll talk next week.  I’ve got a confession to make.

[By the way, if youare just joining us I’ve been going through my old journals and sharing them,unedited, with the world.  The black text is straight from my journals (Cody in his earlytwenties).  The orange text ispresent-day Cody (early 30s, yikes!) reflecting and commenting.  Enjoy!]

 Can you believe it, a whole journal entry with no mention of my defunct relationshipwith Faith.  That’s pretty amazing.

 September17, 1997 – 8:55 AM

      Buck up! You’re not home yet! SYATP! [That is, “Seeyou at the pole!” That’s basically an annual prayer gathering that oftenhappens at schools. It was quite popular in Oklahoma back then.  You can read more about it here – if you are interested.] Well, I missed thepole.  I waited around Washington [the town Iwas living in at the time] until 7Am hoping for the opportunity toshare the Word, but there was no pre-pole breakfast.  I got to school at 7:30.  Prayer was over, but there was goodfellowship.  David Curray and the BaptistStudent Union were there along with Chi Alpha. Be back . . .

     Well, as it turns out, I didn’tmanage to get back to my journal that day. But let’s take a moment to reflect on what was going on there.  “See You at the Pole” was a prayer event thathappened every year at schools in Oklahoma. Maybe you’ve participated in it before. I had gotten really used to it by the time I got into college.  I always like the idea of gathering to prayfor the campus once-a-year.  But now as Ilook back on it, I think of how woefully insufficient that was.  Once-a-year? Really? What about daily?

     About a year ago (or a littlemore), a couple students started meeting for prayer every day at the College ofDuPage.  We managed to keep aseveral-days-a-week prayer gathering going ever since (even over thesummer).  This has inspired me to beginpraying regularly on other college campuses in the Chicagoland area. Justprayer, nothing fancy.  And I’d like touse this post to call upon all of you to pray for your college campus.

     If you are a COD student, here’sa specific invitation.  We have prayergatherings happening several days each week at COD.  Please join us.  If those times don’t work for you, start yourown prayer gathering at a time that works for you and post in the commentsection of this post when and where so others can join you.

     If you are a student at anotherschool, I’d love for you to post information here about your own prayergathering.  Who knows, maybe I’ll showup. 

     But look people, here’s thedeal – we need no less than a movement of prayer on our college campuses aroundChicagoland and the world.  If we want tosee God show up in great power, move and work amongst us in signs and wonders,stretch out His hand and save people from sin, shame and Satan – if we’re goingto see this, we must cry out to God! John Wesley has said (and I don’t quote him often so pay attention), “Goddoes nothing except in answer to prayer” and I think that is actually true.

     Also consider Paul’s words:

 “You also must help usby prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing grantedus through the prayers of many.”  (2 Cor.1:11)

 I think that verse is actually indicating that the bigger the group ofpeople praying, the more inclined God is to answer the prayer because doing sowill mean a greater amount of praise and thanksgiving offered to God once Hedoes.  So, maybe God has every intentionof pouring out His Spirit upon your campus, but is waiting until more and morepeople are mobilized to pray so that when He does, His glory will resound moreand more.

     Of course, if that doesn’t doit for you, there is always:

 “If my people who arecalled by my name humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn fromtheir wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sin andheal their land.”  (2 Chron. 7:14)

      I know my voice is a small one,but I’m using to call for a movement of prayer at the College of DuPage.  If you are a part of the COD community andare a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ, why aren’t you praying for thecampus?  Why aren’t you meeting withothers to pray?  There is no practicalreason why we can’t have prayer happening every day.  There is no practical reason why we don’thave at least 2 believers praying from the time the school opens to the time itcloses.

     Join the cause!  Post your prayer gathering times in thecomment section of this article. And forward this URL to others.  I'm in, are you?

Well, reality seems to really be starting to set in now . . .

September 12, 1997 – 1:32 PM

     Oh, me! Faith spent much of the last few days goofing off.  Okay, I prayed that she wouldn’t be stressed out.  She told me that she didn’t have time for a relationship.  That was a lie.  She has chosen to do other things.  What was I to her?  What was that time together? Was it just for fun? Ahhh!

     Better question:  Why do I love her so much?  Well, today I make my resolution.  I will lay down my life, even when it means allowing her to step all over me.  My aim is complete selflessness in all my relationships.  I’ve been seeking to gain from Faith.  However, all I need I can get from God.  So let me seek to give.

     Tough life.  Hmmm . . .  real tough.

     What a challenging thing to deal with.  How many of you have been there?  That kind of extreme disappointment in a romantic relationship?  As I read this, I can recall the feeling of hopes being slowly dashed (can you dash something slowly?).  And, I still cringe to read that Faith “didn’t have time for a relationship.”  Man, why not just be honest?  Maybe I need to just blog about how to break up with someone.  We’re all just so crappy at it.  We lie, obfuscate, procrastinate, hide.  We say it is because we don’t want to hurt the person we’re breaking up with.  Maybe that really was Faith’s reason.  It was never mine.  For me, when I failed to break up well, it was out of sheer cowardice.

     The second paragraph is challenging to me still today.  Aiming at complete selflessness is not only admirable, it is absolutely what Christ has called us to:

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.  Greater love has no one that this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.  You are my friends if you do what I command you.”  (Jn. 15:12-14)

One of the things that strikes me as I read my old journals is this kind of radical idealism that seemed to permeate my thinking.  Eleven years later, I’ve abandoned some of that.  Some wisely as I have grown in experience and maturity.  Some foolishly, out of crustiness. This falls into the latter category.  No, of course, I have never achieved true selflessness in my relationships, but who ever said I should stop trying?  Of course it isn’t pleasant to suffer abuse and insults, to live sacrificially and humbly, to lay down one’s life for others, to pick up our crosses and follow Christ – but whoever said it would be? 

     I think we often overlook just how ridiculous it sounds to “turn the other cheek” or “love your enemies.” When I debate with atheists and skeptics, they frequently want to attack Biblical stories about creation, Noah’s ark, or Jesus walking on water.  But the really hard-to-believe stuff is this stuff about laying down our lives.  Christ-followers the world over haven’t any difficulty believing that God used Moses to part the sea, but we’re totally stumped by “love one another as I have loved you.”

     To a group of Christ-followers who were fighting against each other – each one asserting their rights against the other in the conflict – the Apostle Paul wrote, “Why not rather suffer wrong?”  Doesn’t that blow you away? In my relationship with Faith, I was really trying to live on that plane.  Why should I demand respect or kindness or reciprocity from her in return for my love? If I’m going to love her as Christ loved me, what does that have to do with her response?  Isn’t it much preferable to faithfully love another and be mistreated in response than to demand my rights in the relationship at the expense of sacrificial love?    

Let’s continue the saga . . .

September 11, 1997 – 10:04 PM

     Well, Faith hasn’t returned my phone calls since last night.  Perhaps she didn’t get the messages.  This, however, is unlikely.  I doubt that she has just not been able to call me. Nevertheless, I refuse to get mad at her.  I know she is stressed out.  I love that girl, and it looks like I may have to fight to maintain a friendship.  I am willing to do that for her.  God said that in order for me to truly love someone, I must lay down my life for them.  This means my concerns, my feelings, my desires, my pride, my best interests – these must be secondary to my friends (i.e. Faith). [Good stuff.  That comes from Jn. 15:13]

     I do miss her.  I miss the relationship that we did have.  It was really good.  I know that I don’t need it – God has shown me that this week.  But, I would like it.  So I pray for it.  Ultimately, let it be God’s will.

     Faith is such a precious life.  Her walk has inspired me so.  God has used her to draw me closer to Him than I ever have been.

     God had me work with a new lady today.  She is a Christian who goes to church at Washington, First Baptist.  It is Brenda Mobely’s mother.  Who would have thought that a woman that I had prayed for in our prayer ministry would be working with me at Waffle House?  [I’m really glad that I wasn’t totally missing everything that God was doing in my life, but I do wish I hadn’t let my relationship with Faith become so dominant in my thought life.]

     Faith has yet to call me.  I will try again and then just go to bed.  I can’t help being a little disappointed that she hasn’t taken the time to call me.  But, if I talk to her, I’ll fake it.  She doesn’t need to worry about me.

     I love Jesus!

     Man, this relationship with Faith just doesn’t want to die.  Or, perhaps, I just refused to let it.  At least, that’s what it seems like as I read these old journal entries.  I can’t help but wonder if, from Faith’s perspective, I was becoming a bit “stalker-esque.”  Well, at least it was just phone calls . . . multiple, daily phone calls. 

     I suppose part of the problem was a lack of clearly defining the relationship.  Yes, the dreaded “DTR.”  It is something that never really seemed to happen with Faith and I – or not up to that point anyway.  I wasn’t really very sure whether we were together or not, if we were just on hold because of how busy school was, or what she wanted our friendship to look like.  I mean, yeah, I look back on this and wonder why I couldn’t take a hint.  But that’s just it, many people can’t take hints—especially when they are blinded by romantic infatuation.  And, when I think about, why should they have to?  Faith and I had a real relationship, we really dated, there was genuine mutual interest for a time, and we were both committed followers of Christ.  I wasn’t just some Facebook friend that tracked her down.  I guess I am saying that I feel like I deserved clear communication. 

     Now, without a doubt, I wouldn’t have taken it well.  I would have cried like a baby and hurt for a pretty long time.  But, I did that anyway.  In fact, the pain was probably only drug out longer by the lack of clear communication.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not just trying to criticize Faith and I really don’t have any residual hard feelings.  I’m trying to make a point here about relationships.  After all, I’ve basically done the same thing myself.  I remember one girl that I had dated for a few months then wanted to break up with.  I didn’t have the guts to talk to her directly, so my strategy was to just act like a jerk until she decided to break up with me.  Real Christ-like, huh?  Now, to her credit, Faith didn’t employ that strategy with me.  But my point is that it would have been more Christ-honoring and less painful to just communicate directly.  These people that you are dating are made in the image of God (Gen. 1:26-27), you know.  They deserve love, truth and respect.  They shouldn’t be led on.  And I don’t think they should have to “take a hint.” 

     Well, I know, this is no science and DTR’s can be excruciating.  And, as some of you probably know, DTRs can even be somewhat ineffective.  People that you’ve been very clear with may keep calling, texting or getting tattoos of your face on odd parts of their body.*  But, if I know I have tried to gently but clearly tell her/him that I’m not interested in a romantic relationship, dating, daily phone calls, etc. – at least, then, I’ve done my part.  Then it is no longer a matter of them not being able to “take a hint.”  My conscience is eased knowing that I’ve tried to be a clear as possible and that I’ve tried to honor Christ.   

     So, how do you DTR (define the relationship)?  That’s an excellent question. Why don’t we open it up to some ideas.  Give us your best DTR advice in the comment section of this blog.  I look forward to hearing from you.

[* BTW, if this is a persistent problem, you’ll likely need to bring a third party into the picture.  Perhaps a mutual friend can sit down with the two of you and help you to re-define the relationship.  Anyone had any experience with this that you’d like to share?]

[By the way, if you are just joining us I’ve been going through my old journals and sharing them, unedited, with the world.  The black text is straight from my journals (Cody in his early twenties).  The orange text is present-day Cody (early 30s, yikes!) reflecting and commenting.  Enjoy!]

I hope you had a great Christmas break.  We’re back again for more prying into Young Cody’s private life.  I’ll pick things up with an entry from a few days after my birthday – 11 years ago.

September 10, 1997 – 10:52 PM

     God is good!  I don’t miss Faith [my pseudo-girlfriend] in the same way anymore.  It is somehow different.  It is not debilitating anymore.  I am enjoying much of life, and, many times – in the midst of great joy – I find myself wishing to share it with her.  The sky just always seemed bluer, and the sun seemed to shine brighter when she was around [Oh, no! I didn’t just say that.].  Nevertheless, I am content with the circumstance I find myself in.  And why not? I am enjoying the friends in my classes so much that I look forward to school.  I have even grown to love two particular Christians in my psychology class (Fred, Miley).  Fred’s walk appears to be exemplary (sometimes you just know) and Miley (although a bit immature) is as sweet as sugar.  I’m also very fond of a Christian brother in my English class named Derrick.  He seems a bit standoffish at times, but I like him.

     While I’m counting blessings, I’ll mention that Northside Baptist Church called me (unanimously) to serve as youth/music minister.  I couldn’t help but overhear Bro. Dan read some of the comments that my references made about me.  I am so grateful for what the Lord has done in my life.  It is truly all from Him.

     My job at Waffle House is pleasant also.  So God has taken care of me.

     I left a message on Faith’s machine to call me.  She hasn’t.  God doesn’t want me to call her.  I don’t exactly know why.  So, I’ll just hope she does.  Surely . . . no, I’ll think positive.  I believe that there may be something for Faith at Northside.  Dina expressed tonight how much she missed her.

     I had a revelation [I think I meant that I had a kind of premonition, maybe it was in a dream.  I don’t remember now.] of two questions yesterday at work!

1.         What will you be doing in 5 years? 

2.       What about you and Faith?

Do you know that both of those questions were asked tonight?  Quite amazing!  God seems to be holding our hands.  Giving me seeds of hope for a future.  I know that I truly love her.  Nevertheless, not my will, but Thine be done.

     Okay, well there is an actual insight here to point out. Here I was going through the most painful and confusing breakup of my life (by a nose), and I was finding comfort and gladness.  Where was I finding it?  Partly in my personal relationship with God, but what stands out in this entry was how my relationships with other friends were helping me find joy.  One of the truly bad habits of dating is that it tends to isolate us from other vital relationships.  We withdraw from friends, family, spiritual leaders, etc.  Fortunately, that was one pattern that I didn’t fall into completely.  So when things started going badly in my relationship with Faith, I had friends there.  I had my church family.  These didn’t even have to be relationships in which I shared all my struggles (although that’s great).  It was significant enough that the relationships were there.  You see?

     So that’s a word for you today.  If you date, cultivate don’t isolate! Nice, huh?  What I mean is that you should seek to cultivate your relationships with other people besides your boy/girlfriend.  Cultivate your relationships with friends, family, and church peeps.  Very important.  I remember in 3^rd grade that I had a girlfriend named Charlotte.  One day at recess she threatened to break up with me because I wanted to play basketball instead of playing with her at the tire swing.  It was a difficult decision and basketball won the day.  And looking back on the situation with all the wisdom that a 31-year-old can muster, I must say, Charlotte was wrong.

     I also have to just point out that when Northside Baptist Church hired me as their youth and music minister it was the beginning of my career in professional ministry.  More than 11 years have passed and I’m still loving it!

Special Guest Blogger:  Katherine Lorance

     My father is a huge “Peanuts” fan.  It is possible that my birth announcement had Snoopy or Linus on it.  It was more or less inevitable that I also became a big fan of the comic strip.

     Yesterday I watched “A Charlie Brown Christmas” again.  You know, the one where Charlie Brown is supposed to direct the Christmas play but everyone dances instead of rehearsing and where everyone calls him a blockhead for getting a pathetic tree.  If you don’t know what I am talking about, go watch it.

     I love how this show actually gives the true meaning of Christmas (albeit in King James English) and delivers it through a thumb-sucking, blanket-wielding, funny-looking kid:

And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.  And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them, and they were sore afraid.  And the angel said unto them, “Fear not; for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.  For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord.  And this shall be a sign unto you: ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.”  And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, ^“Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.”

Here are some other related truths I found while watching “A Charlie Brown Christmas.”

1.         Jesus came to earth for Charlie Browns.  A few years ago, I was at a Christmas church service where the pastor asked why Jesus was born in a stable and why the angels told shepherds first.  One woman gave the profound answer: to show that Jesus was for everyone.  Jesus began his time on earth in the humblest of settings so that the humblest of people could see him.  Throughout his life on earth, Jesus was a friend to the poor, the sick, the outcasts, the scoundrels.  You don’t have to have money or friends, be educated or accomplished, or act nicely to see Jesus.  You don’t have to be able to win a baseball game or have the courage to ask out a little red-haired girl to see Jesus.  You can be a Charlie Brown and still know that Jesus came to earth for you.  That is good news.

2.       Jesus doesn’t take away all the things that make you say “Rats!”  Some people think that if you follow God, life will be easy and pleasant.  If God loves you, God will give you a comfortable life with no problems.  The truth is that Jesus said his followers would experience many troubles.  Charlie Brown still has issues – with decorating trees, kite-eating trees, that bully Lucy – just as you still have struggles.  But God still loves you.

3.       Every Charlie Brown needs a Snoopy, a Sally, a, Lucy, a Linus, a Pigpen, etc.  At the end of “A Charlie Brown Christmas,” all of Charlie Brown’s friends and frenemies work together to change the puny droopy tree into a healthy looking, well-decorated Christmas tree.  Is it weird that the same kids who called Charlie Brown a loser are the ones who cheer him up and wish him a Merry Christmas? But then again, I suppose they are kind of like Charlie Brown’s family.  Jesus wants you to follow him not by yourself but with others (and he knows some of them may drive you crazy sometimes).

4.      Jesus will make every sad little tree beautiful.  So I’m mixing metaphors a bit here because now I’m identifying you (and myself) with the pathetic tree.  And note the difference in tense between #2 (present) and this one (future).  Someday all the wrong things in the world will be made right.  Someday there will be peace, justice, joy and goodness in every place.  Someday everything you find ugly about yourself will disappear and a deeply beautiful yourself will be revealed.  That is good news too.

5.       You don’t have to stop sucking your thumb before you can speak the truth / Thumb-suckers can still speak the truth.  My 6- year-old son asked me why Linus sucks his thumb and carries a blanket all the time.  I had taken those habits for granted for a long time and couldn’t really come up with any answer that didn’t make Linus seem silly.  Maybe Linus is a bit silly.  The thing is that everyone is a bit silly, everyone has bad habits and no one has got things all together.  So don’t let your imperfections stop you from speaking the truth.  And don’t let others’ imperfections hinder you from listening to the truth.

So good job, Charlie Brown, and Merry Christmas!

 

 Bad Dating Habit #2:  Dating tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship.

     This habit assumes a certain kind of dating.  You meet someone for the first time at a party or in calculus class or whatever and you ask them out.  A friend sets you up with someone that they think would be perfect for you.  You’ve been studying together with an attractive lab partner for a couple weeks and you’re ready to “make your move.”  I suppose a lot of people don’t date this way, but many of you do so let’s talk.

     Here’s the experience I had with this.  I met a girl in a class I had during my sophomore year in college.  She was cute and friendly and Christian.  Things I like.  Even though we only had the one class together, things moved pretty quickly.  We started sitting next to each other, talking, flirting.  You probably know the routine.  And then came the date.

     If I’m remembering correctly, our first out-of-class experience together was a date.  The date “went well,” and so was followed by a series of other dates and, before I knew it, I had myself a girlfriend.  In a lot of ways, at least at first, things seemed great.  The emotions were high, the time together was fun, and plenty of friends told us that we made a good couple.  Really the only problem with our relationship was that we didn’t like each other.

     That’s what dating can do.  It’s roses and candles, movies and making out, romance and wooing – it happens fast and pretty soon you’re making claims upon each other’s lives, time, behavior and attention.  You call each other every night.  You go out together every weekend.  You sit together in class and hang out during breaks.  And you never, ever show interest in or have fun with another guy/girl.  You have become “boyfriend and girlfriend.”  And you enter into this arrangement in a matter of weeks with no real commitment to undergird the relationship (see Habit #1) and no real friendship.

     Or, at least, that’s what happened to me.  After about a month of dating this girl, we were a “couple.” I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but it did and it meant that if I didn’t call her when I got home from work she would be mad.  For awhile this wasn’t a problem.  The novelty of a new relationship combined with physical attraction and raging emotions (and probably hormones) was enough to make me want to call her, go out with her, sit with her in class, etc.  But novelty wears off and emotions eventually settle down.  And when that started to happen to me, I began to dread the phone calls and the time together.  Why? Was it because I was a jerk or just a typical guy?  Well, maybe.  But as I look back I realize the bigger issue was that I didn’t like her – meaning that we weren’t really friends.  How could we be?  We didn’t know each other.  We hadn’t taken the time to first discover if we would make good friends.  We just skipped that stage and went directly to romance.  So, of course I didn’t want to talk to her on the phone, I didn’t enjoy talking to her.  We didn’t have the same interests or compatible personalities.  We didn’t really have anything to talk about.  We weren’t FRIENDS!  We were just dating.

     Now, I should say that it is (PRAISE GOD!) possible to do it another way.  My wife and I got to know each other first in a group setting during a month-long overseas mission trip.   The shared, Christ-centered activities of service, worship, evangelism, and site-seeing (in a group context) became the no-pressure environment in which she and I discovered that we could be very good friends.  We’ve been married for almost seven years now and I can tell you that the romantic part of our relationship comes and goes.  But I’m amazed at how much I still like Katherine.  Of course I love my wife, but I just really, really like her too.  I enjoy her company.  We like many of the same things.  We just like doing things together and being together.  She’s truly my best friend.

     So, where’s the advice in all this?  I’d say, don’t seek “hotties” or long for romance in your relationships with the opposite sex.  Look for true friendship.  I married my best friend after she became my best friend and I highly recommend it.  Let me leave you with a  verse from the Bible’s great erotic love poem, Song of Solomon, in this verse, a woman is telling the “daughters of Jerusalem” why she loves her husband so much.  She sings,

“His mouth is most sweet, and he is altogether desirable.  This is my beloved and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem” (Son. 5:16).

Bad Dating Habit #1:  Dating tends to lead to intimacy without commitment.

      "Love must be genuine."  (Romans 12:9a)

     Intimacy . . . you know, meaning physical and emotional closeness and, well, intimacy. Yeah that includes sex, but doesn’t at all end there.  In some ways, the emotional / psychological intimacy is just as dangerous. 

     It isn’t difficult for me to remember my single years.  I was a lover, man.  I don’t mean that I was some kind of Casanova or something.  I mean that I loved to love and be loved.  I had issues that I should probably see someone about.  I would “fall in love” with a girl really quickly – falling hard and fast.  It usually didn’t take much more than a date or two before I was totally smitten. Maybe that takes longer for you – I certainly hope so.  But whenever it happens, the tendency is then to move towards intimacy very quickly. For me, it usually would manifest itself in super-personal conversations, unwise promises, a risky physical relationship and more.

     Since I’ll deal with the physical stuff in a later entry, let me just focus on the subject of emotional intimacy for now.  For me, when I started getting really close to a girl that I was dating, I would start longing to share myself with her – to give myself away to her.  I think that’s actually kind of natural and healthy in the right context.  However, a dating relationship is never the right context.  I’d make promises and pledges of love, I’d expose the deepest parts of my soul, I’d give my girlfriend tremendous influence and sway over major life decisions, and spend huge amounts of time with her.  And I’d do all of that without requiring her to make any real commitment.  What is worse, I would expect her to do that without making any true commitments to her. It doesn’t take long for a relationship like that to get very manipulative, hurtful, and destructive.  And when break-ups occur, the resulting wounds can cut very deep and last a long, long time.

     I’m trying to come up with a way to illustrate this.  Imagine you are unloading groceries from your car.  A friend of yours is standing next to you so, without thinking much about it, you dump a couple bags into her hands and immediately turn back to your car to get some more.  Just as you turn you hear the grocery bags smash to the ground.  Your friend looks shocked and upset.  You are shocked and upset.  What went wrong?  Well, your friend had been preoccupied with the music on her mp3 player and simply wasn’t expecting the bags.  She just wasn’t ready for you to dump those groceries on her.

     I hope you can see where I’m going.  I was always a dumper in my dating relationships and I had girlfriends that were as well. So much of my heart (and I assume theirs as well) smashed to the ground because the commitment level just wasn’t there. I remember a principle that someone (my wife) shared with me that made a really significant impact.  The idea comes through in a question, “If I haven’t put a ring on her finger, what claim do I really have over her?”  How can I demand a person’s time, love, attention, emotional focus, intimacy – what right do I have unless that life-long commitment has been made?

     I’ll never forget the night I was talking to Katherine on the phone and listening to her describe the fun night out she had just enjoyed.  She had been playing games and hanging out with a group of old friends from high school. On the other end of the phone line I was getting angry and jealous because the group included her ex-boyfriend. I wanted to complain to her and demand that she not hang out with other guys, but I was realizing in that moment that I had no right to make such a claim on her life.

     Once I really understood this idea, it wasn’t long before I just examined my relationship and realized that if Iwanted to experience true intimacy with Katherine, I would have to make a true commitment.  Intimacy is just not safe otherwise.  So what did I do?  I asked her to marry me.  

So, this year I’ve been eating a lot more cereal that in the past.  I’m not really sure why.  But it has gotten me thinking about the great dangers of cereal.  No, not empty calories and teeth-rotting sugar.  I’m talking about paganism.  That’s right.  The cereal that you love so much, could be deeply Satanic.  Let’s see . . .

The Five Most-pagan Cereals

5. Rice Krispies

Did you know that the loveable little icons, Snap, Crackle and Pop are really magical Gnomes who are engaged in a spiritual struggle to control your breakfast bowl?  That’s right! And they have been since the 1930s.  Not only that, but their operation is global.  In Mexico they are known as Pim, Pum and Pam.  In Germany they are Knisper, Knasper and Knusper.  And among the Zulu tribesmen of South Africa they are Click, Click and Nagunga (complete with postalveolar clicking).

4. Raisin Bran

What could be more pagan than portraying the sun as a living being?  Just look at that smiling sun-face on the box and see how it’s pouring forth grace upon your cereal.  Is this Ra of Egyptian lore or Surya Deva of Vedic mythology?  And how are we to respond to the sun’s gracious gift of plump, juicy raisins – a hymn perhaps? Libations? Sacrificing a virgin?

3. Cookie Crisp

Perhaps you're old enough to remember Cookie Crook and his constant sinister shenanigans – variously trying to steal Cookie Crisp cereal and thus thwart Officer Crumb.  Well, now it’s Chip the dog’s (or maybe wolf) turn.  He’s always trying to steal cereal from children and is never brought to justice.  Even back in the day when Cookie Crook was arrested by Officer Crumb, there he’d be the next week out again and up to his evil ways.  The cereal has so many problems it’s hard to know where to begin – from the glorification of thievery (a violation of the 8^th commandment) and coveting (10^th commandment), to portraying an obviously flawed criminal justice system as normal and entertaining.

2. Count Chocula

Uhh . . . hello! Can you say Vampire!!!  This one is just blatantly Satanic.  Count Chocula is, after all, the living dead.  Sure, for now he’s pretty much preoccupied with his cereal craving, but just you wait.  He’ll turn on you in no time and be after your blood.  Keep your crucifix handy if you plan to indulge in any of this chocolaty goodness.  And let’s not even get into the spinoffs: Frankenberry, Boo Berry, Fruit Brute, and Yummy Mummy.

1.  Lucky Charms

Perhaps the most pagan cereal of them all has to be Lucky Charms.  I mean, after all we’re talking about a box that’s just chock full of pagan symbolism in tasty marshmallow form.  The cereal was actually inspired by the idea of charm bracelets – historically worn as amulets to ward off evil spirits.  So, yeah, eat this cereal and become safe from the evil eye.  Just wait for them to add upcoming black pentagrams to their marshmallow lineup.

Okay.  So let this be a lesson to you.  There is no innocent breakfast consumption.  God knows what you eat.

Oh, yeah.  Let me give you some Christian alternatives:

1.       Fruity Pebbles.  Creationists will enjoy the fact that humans and dinosaurs coexist in the pre-flood story line upon which this cereal is based.

2.       Lucky Charms without the marshmallows.  Yes, if you filter out all the marshmallows you are left with the whole grain oat pieces that are shaped in the following ways:  church bells; three-leaf clovers representing the Trinity, a lower-case alpha or “Jesus fish”, a cross, and a Christmas tree intended to remind us of the birth of Christ.

[Note: the above blog was just for fun--AS IN FUNNY.  Don’t take everything in life so seriously.  Jesus doesn’t want you to be uptight. Have a laugh once in a while.]

Shalom

[By the way, if you are just joining us I’ve been going through my old journals and sharing them, unedited, with the world.  The black text is straight from my journals (Cody in his early twenties).  The orange text is present-day Cody (early 30s, yikes!) reflecting and commenting.  Enjoy!]

Okay, so I don’t really know what happened to prompt the following entry – I just don’t remember it.  But I can guess . . .

Unknown date.  Between 9/6 and 9/10 1997

     I’m so sad!  And mad!  At who?  I don’t know.  I’m mad at whatever changed her mind about me.  I gave her my heart and she smashed it on the ground.  Not on purpose, but it still hurts.  Now it will take forever to put it back together.  I’ll be more careful about it next time.   But some girl (probably Faith) will sweep me up again.  I’ll fall harder in love.

     Falling in love is great unless the girl doesn’t catch you.  AHHHHHHH!

     Just want to mention here that following the “ahhhh” at the end of my entry is about half a page of heavily inked scribbles.  Scribble is really not a strong enough word.  It looks like I gripped my pen in my fist and just scratched up the page rather furiously for a while.  Not sure if it made me feel better.

     Another thing that comes to mind as I reflect back on my obviously painful dating experiences – oh and there is so much more to come – it the issue of satisfaction.  I kind of went back and forth on this one back in those days.  There were times when I really did find my satisfaction in God and so many times when I was looking to others to make me happy.  I just want to say to you guys in a very clear way, God should be the fountain of satisfaction for your life.  Consider this passage of Scripture with me:

“Be appalled, O heavens, at this; be shocked, be utterly desolate, declares the LORD, for my people have committed two evils:  they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water.”  Jeremiah 2:12-13

     A cistern, in case you are wondering, is a like a tank that is designed to catch rain water for the purposes of drinking.  When I was Egypt years ago, I saw a lot of homes out in the desert areas that had cisterns on the roofs.  I hope you can see why a broken cistern would be a bit of a problem – no water.

     Anyway, God says that His people have committed two great evils.  First, they have forsaken the fountain of living waters.  Imagine you live in the desert but you are right next to a wonderful spring that produces a never ending supply of fresh and clean drinking water.  That’s God.  Constant, satisfying, everything you ever need.  The evil here is that the people were not drinking from the spring.  Did you know that it is sin to not satisfy yourself with God?  God wants us to find satisfaction in Him.  He has provided for this to be the case – that every hunger and thirst and longing that you can possible have can find its full satisfaction in (and only in) God.

     The second evil is that the people tried to satisfy their thirst by other means.  Namely, instead of drinking from the spring they build cisterns to catch rain water.  Moreover, the cisterns they build were broken.  Even if the rain falls, it will simply leak out of the cisterns.  This is us trying to satisfy ourselves with everything but God.  Girlfriends and boyfriends, possessions and popularity, good grades and a great career, power and fame, idols and empty philosophies can all be broken cisterns if we are seeking satisfaction in them instead of in God.  Listen to the invitation of God:

     “Come, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters; and he who has no money, come, buy and eat!  Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.  Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy?”  (Isa. 55:1-2a)

     Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God, and who it is that is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink’ you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water . . . whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again.  That water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”  (John 4:10-14)

     John Piper is worth quoting here, “God is most glorified in you when you are most satisfied in Him.”

[By the way, if you are just joining us I’ve been going through my old journals and sharing them, unedited, with the world.  The black text is straight from my journals (Cody in his early twenties).  The orange text is present-day Cody (early 30s, yikes!) reflecting and commenting.  Enjoy!]

The following entry is from the day of my 20^th birthday.  I think you’ll be able to tell that things with me and my girlfriend, Faith, were starting to really unravel.

September 6, 1997 – 11:21 AM

     Not the best birthday ever, but it was pleasant enough.  I don’t like Faith being stressed out.  In fact, I really hate it!  It’s almost like she can’t think of anything else.  She can’t even miss me!  She can’t even take the time to call me or anything.  I feel like I will be unable to ever surprise her [surprise visit] because she’s got too much homework.  I don’t want to have to have an appointment to call her.  How long, Lord, will I have to wait for her?  And will I be too exhausted then to care?

     I love her.  Sometimes I wish I didn’t!  Why do I have to hurt all the time?  It must be really convenient just to be able to miss someone when you want to.  I’d love to be able to get too busy to miss her!

     I really hope she doesn’t become a “performer.” The way she talked tonight about singing made me think she knew more about it before she started school that she does now.

     I have to say, when I look back on those times before I got married, I cringe a little.  Every once in awhile, I will have a dream in which I’m still unmarried and dating.  Usually those dreams start off fine until I realize I am not with my wife.  Once it hits me that Katherine and I aren’t married, I start getting really scared.  When I wake up and discover my wife asleep next to me it ALWAYS comes as a tremendous relief.  What I’m saying is, I really don’t envy you people that are still in the thick of dating, courting, singleness.

    What was my big problem?  Well, I think there were many.  For one, I wasn’t particularly discerning about the girls that I would date.  I don’t want you to read that as a criticism of them.  As a matter of fact, I dated some really remarkable girls.  But just because someone is “awesome” doesn’t mean that you need to go date them or fall in love with them.  I jumped into relationships very quickly and without much critical thinking.  If I liked the girl and the girl liked me (at least to some extent), that was all it took.  We would date and pretty soon I was using words like “love” and “the one.”  Not long after that one or both of us would be very hurt.  Sometimes the carnage was pretty significant.

     I keep going back to the idea that I just didn’t have anyone in my life that I could hear wisdom from about my romantic relationships.  I tended to surround myself with counselors that would tell me what I wanted to hear.  Oh, I thought they were so wise because, after all, what they said agreed with what I already believed.  I’m thinking about a proverb from the Bible, “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; profuse are the kisses of an enemy” (Pr. 27:6).  Do I have friends in my life that are faithful enough to wound me – to tell me the truth when they know I don’t want to hear it?  When I was 20-years-old, I didn’t put this kind of friend into my life.  I had plenty of friends, but no one that was willing to wound me for my own good.  Well, I take that back.  There were a couple here and there.  But I pretty much rejected what they had to say and tried not to spend a whole lot of time with them.  If I had received the faithful wounds of my friends, I certainly would have avoided many massive hurts to myself and others.  I certainly would have avoided much sin. 

     Do you have an accountability partner?  That is someone that you meet with regularly who is willing to speak truth into your life.  Have you given someone permission to ask you the tough questions about your personal life, your relationships, your walk with the Lord?  Can you hear wisdom?